About: Virginality/Featured

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Virginality is a quality of personhood required for the proper worship of God and for full participation in the civic life of our great nation. America has the highest virginality rates of any country in the world, due largely to the unmitigated success of the "Abstinence-Only" educational policies of the Greatest President - Ever. More information about this success, the President's policies, and abstinence cannot be found in the divinely inspired virginality-training manuals, Nothing You Ever Wanted to Know about Sex (But Knew God Didn't Want You to Ask)©, and Leave No Child's Behind Abstinent-Only©.

Attributes	Values
rdfs:label	Virginality/Featured
rdfs:comment	Virginality is a quality of personhood required for the proper worship of God and for full participation in the civic life of our great nation. America has the highest virginality rates of any country in the world, due largely to the unmitigated success of the "Abstinence-Only" educational policies of the Greatest President - Ever. More information about this success, the President's policies, and abstinence cannot be found in the divinely inspired virginality-training manuals, Nothing You Ever Wanted to Know about Sex (But Knew God Didn't Want You to Ask)©, and Leave No Child's Behind Abstinent-Only©.
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abstract	Virginality is a quality of personhood required for the proper worship of God and for full participation in the civic life of our great nation. America has the highest virginality rates of any country in the world, due largely to the unmitigated success of the "Abstinence-Only" educational policies of the Greatest President - Ever. More information about this success, the President's policies, and abstinence cannot be found in the divinely inspired virginality-training manuals, Nothing You Ever Wanted to Know about Sex (But Knew God Didn't Want You to Ask)©, and Leave No Child's Behind Abstinent-Only©. According to many Youth Ministers, what we're trying to avoid having to actually having to talk about here is far more than just the act of "doing It." While the liberal media wants to undermine virginality and corrupt America's children by insisting that virginality concerns sex alone, the truth of the matter is quite different. Virginality affects your entire essense as a person; that's why it's so shameful to talk about It. Virginality is not available to godless liberals, gays, lesbians, terrorists, or people who have non-abstinent sex before they are married. Virginality is only for Christians, Republicans, and Amerisexuals. Virginality belongs to those precious few God-fearing Americans who are willing police themselves constantly as they pursue that most elusive of unreachable goals. God wants his people to try really hard to get virginality, and God wants you to work every day to keep virginality even though you're bound to fail at It (especially if you're any good at "doing It"). Because virginality is a quality of personhood, and not just a state of the flesh, almost everyone eventually fails at virginality in some fashion (for exceptions, see "Exemplars of Extra-Virginality"). The great thing about virginality, though, is that there are so many different types of virginality and so many new and exciting methods to achieve virginalization that you can always try again! And try we must, for if we do not support God and his elected leaders in their efforts to protect America's virginality from the terrorists, our future is going to get a lot more unpopular, knocked up, and syphilitic.

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