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| - autumnbreeze*three my world has gone up in flames everything seems lost things were once straight and orderly but now it is criss-crossed ~ I wake up early today, at almost dawn. Walking straight up to the leader's den, I wait until he notices me before walking into the cozy den. "Shadestar?" I ask, almost inaudible.He still looks tired, and I don't want to greatly disturb him. But there's something that I need to do. "Yes, Autumnbreeze?" He asks, yawning. I try not to stare as I take in his messy appearance. His fur is in tufts, and he needs a good wash. "But, Autumn!" She says, but I shake my head.
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| abstract
| - autumnbreeze*three my world has gone up in flames everything seems lost things were once straight and orderly but now it is criss-crossed ~ I wake up early today, at almost dawn. Walking straight up to the leader's den, I wait until he notices me before walking into the cozy den. "Shadestar?" I ask, almost inaudible.He still looks tired, and I don't want to greatly disturb him. But there's something that I need to do. "Yes, Autumnbreeze?" He asks, yawning. I try not to stare as I take in his messy appearance. His fur is in tufts, and he needs a good wash. "I' uh, was wondering if I could do my daily activities with Duskshimmer and Windrunner now, instead of Owlmoon, Skymist, Roseblossom, and Swanheart...?" I trail off, shrinking. I just realized how stupid my request sounded. "Sure, Autumnbreeze." Shadestar says. "I'll tell Falconblossom so she can change your groupsss." And just like that, Shadestar falls asleep. Shaking my head, I walk out of the den, a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. I climb back into my nest when I get back into the den, and just sit there, staring at the den ceiling as the other four as lost in their land of dreams. What was happening to me? Why was I becoming like this - this insecure little cat? Why was I not who they wanted me to be when I've been good enough as me for all these countless moons? What happened to Owlmoon? What did I do; what did I say? Why has she become like this? But most of all... What's the point of living life? They're gone - I can tell that much, but now what's left for me They soon wake up, at different times. Owlmoon woke up first, and I can feel her hazel eyes watching me from her nest. I meet her gaze, and it turns soft. She signals for me to come over, and I shake my head. I'm not going to go over to her, where I'm going to feel just plain miserable. She looks at me questioningly, and I give her an apologetic smile in return. No need for her to know that she's the very cause of my thunder cloud right now. No need for her to know... "Autumnbreeze?" Owlmoon is right beside. Freezing, I rake my mind for any sort of sound that she was coming towards me. Nothing... she was too quiet. "Autumnbreeze." She says, more seriously. "What?" I say, groaning internally. I don't want her to ask if "I'm okay" and then start droning on and on about what she did with my other friends without me. I'm too sick of life to care anymore. "Yeah?" I say, closing my eyes to save myself from her upsetting expression. I know it'll make me feel guilty. That's what has always happened. I seem to revolve around my friends, and not myself. I should change it. Because when they're gone, I'll be broken and all alone. I need to revolve around myself; I need to become strong again. Like how I was when I was with Snake, and Pipes. "Autumnbreeze, I-" Owlmoon starts, but I cut her off with my tail. I open my eyes and stare into the depths of hers. She looks sorry, sympathetic, and just plain upset. She looks like something is consuming her from the inside out. "Save it, Owlmoon." I say. "There's really no need. I'm okay." As I say okay, I shudder a bit, knowing how much of a lie it is. I think she knows too. "But, Autumn!" She says, but I shake my head. "It's alright, Owl. Just... leave it." "Autumnbreeze." Owlmoon whispers the words like a realization. Like she discovered something. She stares at me for a bit before wrapping her tail around me. A trickle of warmth fills me, but as soon as she leaves, it just drains away. I feel like I live in a different world. I'm trapped there. In the new world, I'm alone. I'm there, but no one cares. I'm all broken inside, but no one notices; no one cares. I'm a ghost in this new world. After all, I'm already gone... I close my eyes as a single tear rolls down my cheek. I run into the dwelling where my memories reside, and I run into one, trying to relive my past, and the way things used to be. ~ i don't know who I am anymore i feel like a wandering lost soul but maybe I should be more like a rabbit: when danger surfaces, just jump into a hole ~ - "Autumnbreeze?" Owlmoon says softly. "Owlmoon, just don't." I plead, my eyes threatening to fill. She stares at me, her hazel eyes gleaming with horror and emptiness. "Just please." "Autumnbreeze." It's like my name is blown away by the wind, the way she says Iit. Everything is a mess. Just one big mess... I'm pulled under again, just as I hear Owlmoon sigh unhappily. - ~ you are my family i would do anything, just for you but would you do the same die for me, too?
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