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| - (Scene opens up showing Candace sleeping. Instead of her bedroom, a strange pinkish- purple landscape is shown. Her bed appears to be floating in midair. In the background, music plays in reverse.) Candace: (Mumbles happily, then wakes up and gasps) Wow, trippy! I'm having one of those lucid dreams where I'm aware I'm dreaming so I can control it. (Trumpet plays) Talking Zebra: (Floats up, holding a picket sign with a picture of Candace) I voted for you, Kevin. Candace: Cool! I'm gonna fly too! Okay, focus, and-- (Jumps off and falls, She lands with a thud on what appears to be thin air next to her bed. the whole landscape begins to crack and rumble) Oh no! I've broken my mind! Reality's shattering before my eyes! AAAARGH! Phineas: Candace, you're fine. It's all special effects. (Presses a button; Red grids flash and the place turns into Candace's room) Candace: Special effects? Phineas: Yeah, cool, huh? Ferb and I are warming up before we meet our special effects hero Clive Addison today at the Science-Fiction and Fantasy Convention. Candace: (Gets up) That explains why you're dressed in costumes from "Giant Losers: The Musical"! Phineas: Actually, I'm dressed as Captain Lump Sharkboard from Space Adventure XIV. And Ferb is dressed as Hymie Silverman from Stumbleberry Finkbat and the Whining Wand of the Turtle Wizard. They're the two biggest movie series of all-time, and Clive Addison did the special effects for both. Candace: Ugh! Stop being related to me! And take all your mirrors, and zebras, and junk and get out of my room! Phineas: Zebras? (Ferb shrugs) Anyway, Ferb and I aren't in your room. We're already at the convention! (Presses a remote's button) Special effects! (He and Ferb disappear, as red grids flash on them. At the convention, a camera folds up and a briefcase closes) Look at it, Ferb. (Camera pans to the convention building) Science-Fiction and Fantasy, together at last. (Camera pans to him and Ferb) It's breathtaking. Let's get in there! Hey... (Song: "Doof 'N' Puss") Doofenshmirtz: "Where's Perry?" is written on this wanted poster, hanging on a tree. And we see this little hand reach up and tear the poster down and the music kicks in and all, "Chicka, chicka, chow, chicka, chow, chow, chicka, chicka, chicka, chicka, chow," and the opening credits start, like on one of those cool 80's TV shows with a voice over. You know... Major Monogram/Voice Over: A fugitive, semi-aquatic special forces amateur stage magician, framed for a crime he didn't commit, the 1865 assassination of Abraham Lincoln, joins forces with a rogue-trillionaire inventor-extreme fighting champion from the future. Together with the aid of "R.I.C.K.", their super crime-fighting high-tech talking rickshaw, they'll bring hope, justice, and varying degrees of aquaticness to a Tri-State area in peril. Together, they are... Female singers: ♪ Doof 'N' Puss! ♪ Major Monogram/Voice Over: Tonight's episode, Ham on Rye, Hold the Mayor. Doofenshmirtz: You know, in the future we won't sit and read newspapers in the morning. Instead, giant robots will control us in human death matches. (Camera pans to Perry, who is putting poker cards on the table) Well, that gives us something to look forward to. R.I.C.K.: Good morning, team. (Small monitor comes out of the rickshaw) Doofenshmirtz: What's up, Ricky? (Perry chatters) R.I.C.K.: I've detected some strange, out of character behavior from our mayor recently, which has me concerned. (His screen shows Roger, waving) Here he is from a news report over a year ago. (Camera switches to the footage) Notice how he waves, it goes side to side, see? (Replays the footage in slow-mo) Again, side to side. (His screen switches to another footage at night, with two men. One with a clipboard, the other with a big scissor, Roger, and Bridgette Oshinomi, with a chopped ribbon) Now, here's footage from just two days ago. (Roger lifts his hand) Watch. See? His hand goes up, and then he transforms into a wolf with fiery, red eyes, and runs howling into the misty night. Doofenshmirtz: Now that you mentioned it, that is unusual for him. R.I.C.K.: We've got to somehow get close to the mayor, and find out what's going on. Doofenshmirtz: (Snaps his fingers) We're gonna need a turban and a wig. And while I'm out, I'm gonna pick up some bagels. Anyone else want anything? (Candace sneaks across the room, hefting a huge duffel bag, while Linda is busy cleaning the stove, facing away from her) Linda: Hi Candace, Where are you off to? Candace: Oh... I'm uh... going to Stacy's. Linda: Okay honey. What's in the big bag? Candace: (Cautiously) Smaller bags. Linda: Great! Have fun. (At the Science-Fiction and Fantasy Convention) Phineas: Isn't it magnificent Ferb? Special effects extravaganzas just have a way of bringing people together. Albert: (Dressed as a dragon, speaking to Irving dressed in a costume similar to R2-D2) If you think Lump Sharkboard can defeat Hymie Silverman, the elf prince, than you are three phlorics short of a foxonian zipfeller, my friend! Irving: Oh yeah? Well, you can carry your own action figures! (Opens the hatch on his costume, and various action figures spill out) Phineas: (notices Clive Addison talking with some other men near a sign) Ferb! There he is! Clive Addison! Do you have our special effects demo reel? (Ferb holds up the reel) Yes! I can't believe we're going to meet him! (They walk toward Clive Addison, but Irving steps in front of Phineas) Irving: Oh! Phineas, you're just in time. Would you please tell this dragon loving heathen that the Space Adventures movies are superior to the Stumbleberry Finkbat movies in every way imaginable? Phineas: Oh...uh...uh... We're just... (He groans when Clive Addison walks away) Irving: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were in mourning. Phineas: What? Irving: Yeah, it also took me awhile to accept the fact that I had no brother any more. (shoots a cursory look at Albert, who scowls back) Phineas: What? Irving: They actually think all those magic elves movies are better than Space Adventure's epic science-fiction genius! Phineas: Well I... (A large crowd of Finkies gathers around Albert and a crowd of Speckies around Irving) Albert: Stumbleberry Finkbat and the Lost Shadow of Darkling Tower alone, was smarter and more realistic then all the even-numbered Space Adventure movies combined! Finkie: Yeah man! You tell him! Irving: Realistic? Space Adventure is based on hard scientific fact. It's like watching a reality show from the distant future. (The crowd of Speckies agrees loudly) (The crowd of Speckies stops and stares at Ferb standing beside Phineas and Irving. Ferb whistles a tune, and walks to the Finkies side) Irving: As it should...a-be. Irving: That fantasy stuff is for kids! It's almost as lame as dressing up as...Ducky Momo or something. (A person dressed in Ducky Momo costume runs off) Finkies: Finkies! Speckies: Speckies! (At City Hall) Roger: Thank you for auditioning, but we're looking for something a little more dazzling for the mayor's ball. Doofenshmirtz: No wait! We can dazzle, we can. I will now saw The Amazing Platydini in half. See? See? Platypuses, they're like butter. Assistant to the Mayor: Mayor, we got this surveillance photo from the wig and turban supply store. Roger: It's Doof 'n' Puss. Doofenshmirtz: And now, Plati-padapbra! Roger: Oh very impressive, Doctor Doofenshmirtz and Perry the Platypus! Now it's my turn to make you disappear. Doofenshmirtz: Oh no! Ninja Vampires! I hate these guys. (Doofenshmirtz engages in a martial-arts duel with a ninja vampire. Cut to an unrelated shot of a wooden shack blowing up. Perry the Platypus leaps from the magician's box in two halves, both ready for battle.) Ninja Vampire: Wow, he's good. (Perry's top half punches a ninja vampire. Cut to a speedboat blowing up. More fighting. A bowl of fruit explodes. Doofenshmirtz and Perry the Platypus get backed up against a wall) Doofenshmirtz: I picked the wrong day to stop carrying garlic scented throwing stars. (At the Convention) Jeremy: (Picks up his phone) Hey Stacy, how's it going? No, I haven't heard from Candace. Stacy: What! See told me that she was hanging with you today. Jeremy: Really? She told me the same thing about you. Anyway, I'm over at the Sci-Fi Fantasy convention with little Suzy. She's really into the kids stuff. You know, like Sea-Horsie Hospital, air you know, lame stuff like Ducky Momo. (Seeing a person in a Ducky Momo costume) Ooh. Suzy: Ducky Momo! (Ducky Momo runs away, and Suzy chase after him) Jeremy: Uh, Suzy? Wait, Suzy! (Ducky Momo finally loses Suzy) Suzy: Aww Jeremy: You know you can't run away like that. Candace: (In the Ducky Momo suit) Oh, that was close. (She removes the head of the costume) Why must it be so hard for a lifelong, closet Ducky Momo fan to go to a Science-Fiction and Fantasy convention, and find cool, rare Ducky Momo collectibles, without anybody discovering her dark, humiliating secret? (Song: "Ducky Momo is My Friend) ♪ When I was small, the world was such a strange place ♪ ♪ But that was all until I saw his strange face ♪ ♪ Quacking in slow-mo ♪ ♪ Ducky Momo is my friend ♪ ♪ And since we've met, he's been a friend to count on ♪ ♪ If I could bet, I'd put the full amount on ♪ ♪ Never needing to know mo ♪ ♪ Then Ducky Momo is my friend ♪ ♪ All the lessons that he's taught me brought me luck ♪ ♪ Now when life throws eggs, I know how to duck ♪ ♪ Oh, oh, but now the world just points and laughs at me here ♪ ♪ The hidden girl who risked so much to be here ♪ ♪ Showin' my face is a no-no ♪ ♪ But Ducky Momo's still my friend ♪ ♪ Ducky Momo is my friend ♪ ♪ Ducky Momo is my friend ♪ Finkies: Finkies! Speckies: Speckies! Phineas: Come on guys, aren't you blowing this all out of proportion? Irving and Albert: No. Finkies: Finkies! Speckies: Speckies! Finkies: Finkies! Speckies: Speckies! Irving: Come with me Phineas, you should meet with the Almordian Council. They'll set you straight. (They walk off) Phineas: But, what about Ferb? Irving: Oh, forget about him, he's nothing to you anymore. (pushes Phineas in front of him as he walks off) Albert: (to Ferb) Well, I guess I'm your new brother. Carry my action figures? (Irving knocks on the door of the men's restroom) Irving: We seek counsel with the exalted one. (They enter the restroom, where they see Baljeet sitting on a sink counter) Phineas: Baljeet? Irving: Baljeet is the only sixteenth level Space Adventure trivia master in the world. Baljeet: I feel a minor disturbance in the universe, almost as if... (A toilet flushes, and Clive Addison walks out of the stall) Nope! Now it is gone. Phineas: ...Okay. It's Clive Addison! Irving: Pay attention! I have unfortunate news to report master. Ferb is... dressed like an elf! Phineas: Yeah, and is costume's really cool too. He spun his own wool, and the headband's made of-- Baljeet: Oh for the love of humillian dorphite! We lost Ferb too? Phineas: He's not "lost". He's just enjoying a different genre. Baljeet: Never! The line must be drawn here! (gets up and shines a flashlight beside Phineas) Right between Phineas and his loved ones. Phineas: Oh come on. Did you ever consider that fans of Space Adventur- Baljeet: Speckies! Phineas: Right, speckies. Have more in common with fans of Stumbleberry Finkba- Baljeet: Finkies! Phineas: Maybe Speckies and Finkies have more in common then they do differences. Baljeet: Oh! Bite this prop tongue from episode eight! (produces said prop tongue) Phineas: Have you ever tried talking to them? Baljeet: Talk!? Have you met the leader of the Finkies? Buford: I'm sure you're wondering why I, Buford, have taken a leadership role in such a geek-centered enterprise. Well, take a look around! This place is crawling with nerds! I'm like a kid in a candy store! Plus, I relate to the character of Odaf Underhump and his complex emotional inner journey. Baljeet: I seriously doubt this will work. Buford is not a man of peace. Phineas: Nonsense, I'm sure Buford will be reasonable. (They arrive at the Finkie "camp") Buford: Hey! No space bunnies allowed! Baljeet: I am not a bunny rabbit! I am an Almordian Vanksloth. Phineas: It's time to end this silly feud, so we can all enjoy Clive Addison's special effects presentation. Baljeet, you prepared a peace treaty. Baljeet: I did. (Clears his throat) We Speckies vow to live in peace and harmony with you Finkies. All that we ask is that you admit that Space adventure is much better than Stumbleberry Finkbat, and that you have brought eternal shame to your families believing otherwise. Phineas: Umm... that's not really what I said- Buford: Oh yeah!? You and what army? Baljeet: Your question makes no sense as a response to what I just said. Buford: Well, how 'bout this? (Ties Baljeet's costume's ears into a knot) Baljeet: (feels about on top of his head and becomes angry when he discovers the knot) Alright, so it is war then! Buford: Bring it on, Speckies! We're gonna go all Hyborian age on you! Baljeet: That is not even a real age! (The Speckies and Finkies go their separate ways, leaving Phineas and Ferb) Phineas: (Sighs) To quote Lump Sharkboard from Space Adventure Sixteen...Glorf. Jingle Singers: ♪ Glorf! ♪
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