The precise phrase you'll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar is not very common in geek feminist debates, but the attitude is. The attitude is that advocates of feminism or critics of sexism aren't worth listening to if they are not extremely polite, patient, reasonable and forgiving, even, or especially, to very insulting, outrageous or frightening provocation. Expressing this sentiment is a common concern troll tactic, and is a variant of the tone argument.