The Cinema Snob: Do you wanna experience the magic of Tolkien's "The Hobbit", BUT you don't have 9 hours to kill? Don't worry. The Russians have got your back. In 1985 a 70-minute Russian version of "The Hobbit" was produced, which itself led to the end of the Cold War – as we all remember in Reagan's immortal words: "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this Eye of Sauron". Just think of the 70-minute version of "The Hobbit" as the "Applesauce on the Go" of Tolkien movies. Yeah, sure there is the animated version, but it's impossible to watch that anymore without thinking of Mr. Slave's ass! (The End)