Ruíz was born a pauper to a pawn on a Christmas Day, when the New York Times said God was dead. Contrary to popular opinion, Ruíz was born in full uniform, and promptly took the field minutes after birth. He became the youngest baseball player to start a game ever, at a half-hour. There was a huge uproar in Philadelphia when they heard the news, and many pondered if Ruíz simply had the talent to make it as a Phillies catcher. The critics were quickly silenced however, via backhand by Charlie Manuel. In his first start Ruiz: hit for a reverse cycle, threw out 7 attempted steals, pitched a perfect game, and stole homeplate...twice. During his post-game interview, Ruíz told reporters "Gaga, gaga-gagagoo." It was with these words that Ruíz established himself as a critically acclaimed poet, an