The Guy Who Holds the Coffee Maker, also called The Coffee Guy, or, by his real name, Bitffan77, is just another member of the sprawling Bureau of Fiction's hierarchic, structured, often-impractical employment ladder. His actual department is unknown, because all he does in his shift is hold the coffee maker in the breakroom near the Department of Surveillance's movie theater (used for scaring new employees with Benny videos at his demand). You read that right. His job is to hold the coffee maker. He holds it, and that's his JOB.