Monkey Jesus was born in the year 10,001 B.C. in Detroit, Syria. His mother was impregnated by a banana (which the monkeys of his time happened to worshipped), and he was born in the brothel where she was working. Monkey Jesus' given name was Fred, but when he turned 15 he changed it to Jesus because incidentally in Monkey language it is the most horrendous swear word, and as a teenager he had that sort of sense of humor. Since Monkey Jesus was a bastard child (bananas did not have the same legal rights as Monkeys), the children at the school he went to often made fun of him, but he used his divine powers to smite them and afterwards make them spend an eternity in Rosie O'Donnell's vagina. By this point Monkey Jesus' mom was out of the picture as she had died of an overdose of Oxycotin. Be