Jesus Fucking Christ was the expression Mary reputedly used while giving birth to the rather fat baby boy who was to become Our Lord. At 14lbs 4oz (2.3 metric tonnes) young JC was about the size of a bowling ball and by all accounts it was not an easy birth. It just so happened that during the birth the Census Taker passed through Bethlehem, and as he put his head through the stable door and asked, "Give me your names, Jew scum!" Mary had a particularly agonising contraction, so "Mary, Joseph and Jesus Fucking Christ" was what the guy wrote. Little did he know that the baby would grow up to be a major pain in the ass for the region's governor Pontius Pilates.