THE VATICAN (AP) -- The Pope issued a new speech today, contrary to his old one that nobody liked, reversing his position on Islam. "My previous speech quoted some guy from like, the 1300s or something like that to imply that the violent aspects of some forms of Islam were perhaps somewhat misguided." said the Pope. "That was totally wrong of me, since now that there has been a reaction to my speech consisting of a nun being murdered, churches being firebombed, as well as multiple calls for my arrest and death, I realize that I grossly misjudged Islam. Therefore, as Pope, I hereby declare without reservation that everything ever done in history by a believer following Islam was a good, just, reasonable and beneficial act."