Breaking pie news! The first three low-achieving contenders have been knocked out of the Pie Hard running today: * Evil Timmy (AKA T-Bone) failed to translate his Smooth Jazz Countdown fame into Pie Hard popularity-- perhaps everyone felt a little uncomfortable stuffing a child with pies (especially an evil one). * Vaguely sleazy casino dealer Russell Ace likewise had a hard time generating heat on the pie court; despite making every effort to cheat his way to victory, he'll be among the first to go. * Movie star Ron Bruise seemed unable to keep up with the rigorous physical demands of the contest, bowing out early due to "prior commitments." Inside sources claim that Bruise's agents mercifully pulled him from the event early due to a total lack of fan interest.