Self-aggrandizement is the most crucial, indispensable, and noble of all topics Uncyclopedia can cover. Without self-aggrandizement, there is nothing. Although unfortunately Asia's inherent conservatism has led to no single exertion of the Will that is characteristic of True Self-aggrandizement, I, Mr. Illuminated Megacaesarlord-Optimus-Prime Velociraptor-Augustus of the Absolute Infinite, stand at the crossroads, the crux of the history of the Universe, for I am writing the Uncyclopedia article on self-aggrandizement.