A haggis tree is the legendary birthplace of the first of all haggi. Haggis, coming from the Latin word "haggus" (meaning small brown thing that tastes like shit and sandals), grew on the highest branches of this benevolent Scottish tree. Any Haggis trees that may have existed were destroyed in the devastating Sheep Wars of 1710 - 1834, which led to the clearing of the vast land continents of Narnia, Scotland, Australia and Old Zealand. It was subsequently made illegal to harm a Haggis Tree in the Haggis Protection Act of 1782. If you find a haggis tree, you are very lucky, as it is the source of the freshest haggis ever, and it spares you the trouble of having to chase a dangerous and deranged haggis around the Scottish highlands.