Contrary to popular belief, the Chivalry with which we are familiar today was not born from idealism. Nor was it created for the purpose of protecting the weak from bullies with big swords. Rather, it was an unexpected consequence of the exploits of Chivalry Hawkins, the medieval prostitute who unwittingly provided the foundation for abstract behavioral concepts we call “Chivalry,” “Courtly Love,” and “Customer Service.” Her widespread popularity and social influence displeased the leaders of the Catholic church to the point that they initiated an epic campaign of disinformation designed to remove her from the history books, with the incidental side effect that it greatly informed the development and modern definitions of these concepts.