Spankey was born 1997 in a gay prison, but ran away after that wussy cook made a bad souffle. George Bush found the little chimp wandering around the Houston docks, and fell in love at first sight. White House insiders say that Spankey is the pet most dear to Bush, even more dear to him than his pet chinchilla or yak. Indeed, it won't be long until Spankey is a full Admiral (and for all you civilian hoes, an Admiral is higher-ranking than a crappy Rear Admiral). However, you probably shouldn't tell Dubya that Spankey's cheating on him with that wussy cook. Apparently that cook's gotten better at making souffles.