John Stossel is a hip "young" reporter for ABC News Fox Business News with a fashionable and totally hetero moustache. He is the second greatest moustache-bearer in the news, following in the footsteps of the great Geraldo Rivera. Born Juan Stosseltinez in Chicago, Illinois, he changed his name in order to feel "more American". He is constantly asking to be given a break, and seems always frustrated at the stupidity of those who he is asking for a break from. This is probably due to the fact that despite his constant asking, they steadfastly refuse to break him off a piece of that Kit-Kat bar.