#5 Michael Phelps- his aerobic conditioning will break lung capacity of 14 Seth Rogans doesn;'t own a black light poster of a panther #4 Bill Gates- released mosquitoes why should only the poor be struck with malaria they prefer poor people's blood it was a Microsoft release (there's no way it didn't have a virus) find a cure for Bill Gates #3 Japanese Sewage- authorities found gold in the sewars Japanese learned how to poop gold Americans must take this sitting down #2 Gay Divorce- lesbians want to get a divorce the Bible says only between a man and a woman