Bedtime is the unique timetable operating in the county of Bedfordshire, England, since 1984. The county is the only one in Merrie England to have adopted its own temporal system, and a jolly silly one it is too. It means that Bedfordshire is now not only out of step with the remainder of Great Britain and all its territories and dependencies, but also at odds with Alaska, Easter Island, and Cloud Cuckoo Land. “Bedfordshire,” as Bill Clinton has opined, “is on a big curvy path leading straight to lunacy, by way of hell”. The whole county should “have a little lie-down and think again”, according to President Bumtwaddle of Peru, who was speaking while he walked stark naked in the street. And he’s a fine one to talk.