It isn’t like the dog is running free and crapping everywhere – it’s a frigging terrier, not a horse. And you pick it up while you’re walking the dog. “I don’t want that diseased thing on my grass,” he snaps. Like he’s going to get his fat bottom off that lawn chair up on the porch and go and look for a lost contact lens right where the dog did his business? You don’t think so - he can't even get down the stairs without help from someone else. He can commonly be heard on the Fourth of July shouting, "You kids had better stop letting off those damn fireworks, or I'm calling the cops!".