The modern toilet seat cover is a sure-fire way to protect one's posterior from a whole host of ailments, such as ickyness, shingles, Jakob-Kreutzfelt disease, irritable bowel syndrome, fallen stomach, male erectile dysfunction, feeling drowsy, SARS, avian flu, tsunamis, homeless people, ingrown toenails, communism, fecal impactions, beatings at the hands of police, Koreans, porcelain auto-immuno decay disease, the Snorks, poop, John Roberts, PCP, dogs, clowns, blasphemy, some kinds of hot sauce, and velociraptors.