Edward the Gibbon (c. 1770 -- March 12, 1798) was a tree-swinging lesser ape who wrote a magisterial history of the Roman Empire between 1774 and 1778. Lacking language and higher cognitive functions, the simian nevertheless produced a lucid, learned and witty chronicle of Imperial Rome's final days. After completing the work, Edward pursued a lifelong dream of swinging through the trees and eating the sweet, sweet fruit on the branches.