Only child of Maw & Paw Hakesville (he's not sure of their real names), Gaylord was born & raised in South Lake, Louisiana. Somewhat over weight as a child, he was selected for the high school wrestling team, becoming team captain & winning his way into college on a sports scholarship. Unfortunately he flunked out almost instantly, being a less than gifted scholar, and went to work with his Paw at the local tin mine and recently as a trainee nurse at a psychiatric hospice. Within months he was encouraged to resign after "unauthorized use of electroshock therapy equipment".