A guy named Greg Heffley (Toadsworth) gets a job teaching third graders (Justin Bieber, Rebecca Black, Porky, Mario, Ash Ketchum, and a bunch of other losers). Annoyed by the kids, (who couldn't find Sparta) Greg stabbed them with his pointy stick, killing them all. Then he was arrested for crimes against his pointy stick, and was sentenced to four years in Spartan jail. There, he met a man, Fregley, (Bowser) who busted him out of jail using only a waffle. Then, Greg stabbed Fregley with his pointy stick and began his Spartan army of 300, determined to teach everybody where Sparta is. Suddenly, one soldier (Squidward Tentacles) is killed by a flying pebble, reducing his army to 299.