'Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro' the house Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse; The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there; The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of sugar plums danc'd in their heads, And all the while, I was sitting there, masturbating. It was that special time of year. Christmas; the day that everyone looked forward to. And of course, a certain Unlosing Rising Phoenix was out Christmas shopping. "…Icing?" A female voice questioned in an uneasy tone. "Strawberries?" "Got it." "Duh."