According to modern theologians, there are benefits and punishments to belief and non-belief in the Flying Spaghetti Monster. It has been generally agreed that: 1. * According to the First United Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the Flying Spaghetti Monster exists, with His noodly appendages spreading throughout the universe. 2. * If the Flying Spaghetti Monster exists, He is invisible and immaterial so we cannot prove His existence or non-existence. 3. * If He exists, He will touch those who worship him and follow His commandments (dressing like a pirate and not working on Fridays), thereby giving them eternity in Heaven with a beer volcano and a stripper factory. 4. * If He exists, He will punish non-believers by condeming them to Hell where the beer is warm and