A parody of the film The Polar Express, starring Tom Hanks (in this version, Ham Shanks). Contributions Welcome! Darkness. Fade to title. Fade to scene of dark, night winter sky. Snow is falling. Narrator (Ham Shanks): One Christmas Eve many years ago, I was lying in bed. I did not rustle the sheets or belch loudly or pass..well, never mind that. Anyway, I was lying in bed, listening for a sound I was afraid I'd never hear...the ringing bells of Santa's sleigh. Bells jingle in distance. Hero Boy jumps out of bed, runs to the window. Hero Boy touches heater. HB: Crud. Mom: Yeah, whatever. Kids: Sorry.