(1:1) Paul, and Silvanus, and Timotheus, unto the church of the Thessalonians which is in God the Father and in the Lord Jesus Christ: Greetings, morons. (1:2) Forgive my language, for my companions assist me in this letter, and believe, as I do, that a dog could learn our commands faster than you. (1:3) But I recant, my dearest brethren. (1:4) We are bound to thank God for you, as your faith and love for one another groweth. (1:5) And yet, we also wonder what exactly it will take for you to put two and two together. (1:10) But perhaps ye are God’s children because of it, not in spite.