Dear Cleveland Council Cocks (darts team), We hold you in highest contempt, particularly today. Two of our least successful reporters visited your town of Whitby – well-dressed, aloof, full-blooded and tight buttocked (raring to go). We had been developing a rolling nautical gait via which we hoped to impress your local lads and simultaneously disguise (display to those with savoir faire) our pressing need to void ourselves of substances pertaining to yellow and brown. In conclusion, this society recommends: 3) Discipline your harbour master in the following manner Yours,