Get me a Proctologist! is the first story to take longer than a week, and introduces Aylee to the main cast and the Sluggyverse. Torg and Riff are attacked on the derelict space station by a group of aliens called Xenomorphs, stylistically similar to those from the Alien movies. After their fending off most of the aliens, Dykowski is attacked by what looks at first like a "face hugger", only it doesn't go for the face (hence the story title). A xenomorph later bursts out of Dykowski inside the ship, and begins eating the crew (this alien is later seen to be Aylee). Aylee eats most of the crew, including Torg, but she spits him back out (supposedly because his dandruff shampoo tasted bad).