OK folks, I've been doing the whole "rewriting" thing again. This is a little something I've always wanted to take a little look at, but just couldnt get going on. Now I have got going, I want an opinion on if it's going in the right direction or not. I'm aware it needs more pics, but right now, I just want to know if the approach I've taken, with two versions of the theory both explored, actually works or just feels too artificial. Plus, does the tone feel consistent enough throughout? and, of course, did I remember to include any funny?