It features some painstaking maritime traditions, half human/half squid prostitutes, and a nearly nonexistent education system. Suicide is rare in Portsmouth, as most suicides wake up on the fateful day to instead find themselves murdered. The city's murder rate is higher than the whole of the United States of America, so much so that a mixed-race child will choke itself with its umbilical cord even though a tit beckons. Portsmouth is a famous rival of neighboring Southampton, the only place more inbred than Portsmouth. A full 95% of residents have grandparents who are actually their parents.