Todd (VO): With one decently successful movie under her belt, Madonna decided it was time to take a leading role—one where she wasn't basically just playing herself. Todd: Her first star vehicle was... Beginning of... Todd (VO): ...a film noirish action-adventure set in 1930s China called Shanghai Surprise. Todd: The surprise was that it sucked. A lot. Cinemadonna intro Todd (VO): Shanghai Surprise was... Todd: ...the Gigli of 1986. Todd: It is Exhibit A in the theory that no one actually wants to see real-life couples onscreen. [Brief still shot of Todd and The Nostalgia Chick] Ahem.