Hello, there, kids. As you read this book, I'm going to be your new best friend, and you'll discover I'm just like you, in every single way you can think of! You see, children, when I was about your age, I figured out that my parents despised me, and I did something about it. Now that I've grown up a little, I decided to write this helpful guide, so I can assist any and all of you that might be in serious danger. What should you do if your parents wish only suffering and death upon you? You'll find out soon. But first, I've designed a little test that should help you find out if your parents really do hate you.