Until recently, the secrets of dry cleaning were only available to an elite group of mostly Asian people known as the Illumiwashi. Common folklore on the Illumiwashi contains rumors of ritual child abuse, saturnalias at Bohemian Grove, and a code of secrecy rivalled only by Skull and Bones. Fortunately, like Skull and Bones (whose exhaustive Guide to the Secrets of Skull and Bones was published in 2002 by Harper Collins, ISBN 123654-2334-3423), the secrets of dry cleaning have recently been made readily available in a free publication of the US Government, How You Can Become a Dry Cleaner Today! available from the Consumer Information Center, Pueblo, Colorado, 81005. (Please note that this publication is only available to US citizens; those who live outside the United States must, as alway