John was born to his parents, Tabitha and Phil Abi-Someone, in the year 1836 in Beaufort, Virginia. The Abi-Someone family should not be confused with another famous family from Transylvania, the Abi-Normal's. John was predisposed to killing small animals and this frightened many people. John applied to VMI, but was rejected on the grounds that he wasn't manly enough to gain entrance. John then wandered aimlessly for many years searching for a cause to attach himself to. Luckily for him, he found that cause in the plight of his native Virginia 25 or so years after his birth. in between this time he left America in order to gain the skills that VMI refused to teach him.