A simple guide to check whether your beliefs will lead you through the gates of heaven or to eternal damnation. To enhance your comfort and enjoyment, you may want to place yourself on a rack or wear a thumbscrew. No – Heretic! You are an atheist and will not go to heaven since you do not believe it exists. If you do inadvertently find yourself confronting St. Peter at the gates of heaven, then he will not let you in and your eternal soul will be sent to Hell (which may or may not exist for you). Yes – Carry on carefully, but be wary of most modern science and anyone called Darwin.