The phrase "sex toy" is puzzling when you think about it. Any object could be a sex toy if used correctly. So everything is a sex toy. You. Me. The chair I can see out of the corner of my eye. MY windows are open. It's a hot day. I can hear some small children running around in the street outside. They are yelling at each other. It's completely incomprehensible. None of them have tails, though their relatives did. All our relatives did. Tails. Sex toys. Tails. Sex toys. My knuckle itches. How would one describe the sensation of "itching" to somebody who had never felt it? This is my autobiography: .