First email of the night: Just caught a programme on TV featuring your dulcet tones and was wondering whether you managed to keep a straight face whilst saying 'but dog and cat pooh is no laughing matter'. JP: Well, I did as a matter of fact... because what happens is you sit in a basement somewhere in Soho and a green light comes on and you just read from a script that you've been given. It's not as though I wrote the scripts myself, and you don't really have time to look at the picture as well as it is happening. So when the programme goes out it is often quite interesting to me as well. But I did say that - and anyway, let's move on.