A machine resting in a hallway In the theater near home Made me want to drill the thing And fill it full of holes. It authorized my credit card And stuck me with a bill But wouldn't print the tickets To let me view the film. So I shouted rants out at the clerk Who didn't really care It must have happened all the time It must not be that rare. Eventually they printed And fell down through the slot They got me past the ticket taker Who'd been beyond earshot. Next time I buy a ticket I'll keep a careful stash And never use a Master Plate It's not as good as cash.