Renaldo Lapuz is the greatest, meanest, baddest pimp who ever lived. He's so badass, he faced Simon Cowell head-on and annoyed him by singing a bad-ass song about his brother. After Simon Cowell dissed his undeniable talent and great fashion sense, instead of bitch-slapping the Brit, he turned the other cheek and gave Simon the love that Simon's parents never gave him - just like Jesus did to the Jews. God was so impressed, he adopted Renaldo as his own son so that Jesus will have a brother as well as a best friend forever, and together they sang the music that they liked.