The main protagonist. After being taunted by Dick Cheney, a glowing baseball bat appears in front of Jon, who uses it to kill monsters. It later turns out that the fate of the world is in his hands. * Blue Eyes * Heterosexual Life Partners: with Stephen * I Know You Are in There Somewhere Fight * Journey to the Center of the Mind: a magical voice tells him to man up after being knocked into a building by Conan O'Brien * Shock and Awe: The bat uses lightning * The Hero