I wouldn't be here at all if tweren't for that bloody N'uk Nü'ka Hummmmsquatcha tribe from the Islands of Karsumplterwile. Me crew foolishly seized their cursed gold and burned the island to the ground... Er, burned it to the sea, rather. Only too late did they realize the implications of the treasure's dreaded curse, outlined in our contract with the tribe, article XII, sub-section 23, footnote 7, line 42. But there is yet another curse that has been placed upon me by a source of such pure, undiluted evil that it makes the Nü'kians quiver in their bare feet. Now I am doomed to eternally tell this tale to anyone who'll listen, if anyone at all.