Dear Gazza, Call that a fucking drink problem? If you’ve never been arrested for pissing on a national fucking monument or biting the head off an endangered fucking species you’re not even close, man. I can’t remember what I did when I was still drinking and it’s just as fucking well, I can tell you. There’s film of me lying naked in a pool of my own vomit with a fucking carrot up my arse! Christ knows what I thought I was doing that night but they still keep inviting me back to the Grammies. Rock 'n Roll!