Bob "Squirts 'till it Hurts" Saget (Chinese Mandarin for "A bundle of sticks with a penis so small you need an electron microscope to see it") was born in Siberia inside an outhouse, the son of a female Eva Braun-worshipper and that douche bag from The West Wing...you know the one. His original birth name was Snoop Dogg, but changed it out of inspiration when he misheard a guy calling him a faggot when he really said baguette. His principal interests are rape, ultraviolence, being not funny, and ripping off movie tag lines. Oh, and being unfunny. I mentioned "not funny," right?