Captain Irrelevant (1973-2004) was born John Milton to a university professor and a fleshlight. His powers, whilst vast, were incredibly useless. Despite this he proved himself deadly enough to become the arch-nemesis of Captain Obvious and almost managed to wreak havoc on a global scale. His symbol is that of a 30mph speed limit sign, which is always emblazoned on his attire with pride. The reasons for this are unknown to all but Captain Irrelevant; when interviewed on the subject he responded “Bitching is what people do when they are jealous, arrogant, pissed off, whining or simply being a dick head”.