In the annals of history, it was thought that the list of the Worst 100 Things To Stick Your Dick Into was comprised of a more-or-less random selection of Earth-based horrors — such diverse things, in fact, as snowblowers, chainsaw tensioners, and Britney Spears. However, a recent scientific discovery has revealed each of the Worst 100 Things To Stick One's Dick Into to be...an orifice of the newly-discovered organism Despicabilus horribilis, vulgarly known as the gargantuan gut-worm of planet KL5-6309. According to a strangely gleeful Dr. Ephta Octavus, professor of biology at Utah State University, "nothing from Earth even comes close, really."