How'd ya like them there country songs? Ain't them purty? Say what? You wanna write yerself a country song? Well, son, yer in luck. I am one of the few men alive who know that intrical step-by-step process type thang. Lemme tell you, that country is an old and respectabinal type-a thing, so you gotta do it right, y'hear? Here, I'll walk you right through it, right now. First, you gotta go to a bar. Now, that's not step one, 'cuz if you want to write country, yer already at a bar. All right, now let's start that list.