The Wanker engine was invented in 1901 by Ernest Archibald Wanker, a brilliant engineer struggling at the time to make a living selling steam engines made of processed corn. Having previously lost his wife and children in a freak steamed corn accident, he was on his way to drown himself in a pond outside Hertfordshire when inspiration struck him in the image of a coughing duck. Two months and 87 days later he revealed his latest invention, predicted to revolutionise the world of transport: The Wanker engine. If you're looking for information on wankshafts, they've yet to be invented.