This I throw at you, like mutton across the sea. Partake in my knowledge, the Beginners Guide To Flailing, for it is thusly an entrance into flounderville. Consider it my memoirs, in a shiny wiki glaze. BEHOLD! Nine is the number I ferment evenly as I talk amongst myself. You may ask "why?", to which I answer the only way I can: with vicious cardboard thrashing. I am the Alpha, The Beta, and the Post-Release Patch. Some say there is no way one entity can be as insane as I, but trust in the parsley, and the parsley shall trust in you.