Hello, I am a simple historian who has been given the task of transcribing the diary of a British hero, Sir Humphrey Watermelon. If you take offence at any of his beliefs then it is advised you avoid the United Kingdom, since his views are almost identical to those of the majority of modern day Brits. Depressing, isn't it? Just so you know, I'm currently going through a messy divorce so I'm particularly fragile at the moment. Please don't send any complaints unless you want to see me an emotional wreck.